I am a runner, trying to cycle 🚴

If Runners are Weird, Cyclists are Crazy!

Cyclists are all deluded.

All of them.

I’m being darned serious here. One thing I find most entertaining about this is that they’re the first to tell you:

“Runners are weird”.

They start at o'dark thirty. They are constantly talking about driving to the mountains to climb XYZ mountain on their bikes. They insist that there is a fierce camaraderie found in “suffering” together on hills.

A runner would never say that sort of thing...

The gear is weird, too. Tough to argue with me on that point. After all, it takes a confident man to shimmy into a Lycra and spandex blend and walk around in shiny white shoes that tap on the blacktop. Clickity, clickity clip. Also, there are very few folks who look good in spandex. Even professional athletes aren’t all that sexy when squeezed into bike shorts.

There are exceptions to that rule. There are always exceptions. 

But I am The Rule, not The Exception.  🚷 ⛔ 🚳

Oh yes, Cyclists are a different breed.

They perch on saddles constructed of a 2-inch plastic triangle covered in a sliver of leather for hours of hot, sweaty fun and think nothing of it. Really, on that note, sane people shouldn’t mess with cyclists. They clearly have a pain tolerance higher than the average bear. Or woman, for that matter.

Many Cyclists I have encountered enjoy dishing advice to people they perceive as “noobs”, even if the noob isn't really a noob... The best advice I ever got was regarding cadence.

“You are pedalling too hard. You need to spin more in a circle pattern and pedal in a lighter gear. But not too light. So basically pedal hard enough, without pedalling too hard.”

What?? Gosh. Thanks.

Also, they are very big into safety. As they should be. This sh*t is scary and dangerous.

So, safety advice like "wear a light" is responsible, and everyone should listen. Safety advice like, “Let’s all be safe out there today” is less brilliant. Or other safety advice that is critically important: “Don’t forget to grease the crease”. No, there will be no further details here.

Frankly, I don’t know why anyone does this sport.

It seems nothing but trouble. "Mechanicals", "Chaffing", and "Cars" are all part of the repertoire.

But let's not dwell too long on Cars. They are a scary business. To me, cars hate cyclists because they believe that roads are for cars and cars only. My inner therapist thinks they hate cyclists because bikes scare cars, or do they scare cars? It could be either one, really.

The roads that have fewer cars and are thus logically more appropriate for cycling have only about 3 inches of “extra” road on the other side of the yellow line, so when one does encounter a car, it’s always a cosy experience. Often, these roads are hemmed by 8-foot ditches on either side, which makes sharing difficult for even the best-intentioned driver or cyclist.

By far, though, the strangest part of this sport is the territorial boundaries between the active people who do it and the active people who do everything else.

From where I'm perched on my 2-inch plastic triangle, Cyclists and Runners don't mix all that well.

Weird, right?

Runners hate cyclists because Cyclists hate runners because Runners hate cyclists because...

Of course, from what I’ve seen of them, Swimmers 🏊 are bright enough to stay out of the mix.

Probably because they think they’re superior to the cyclists and the runners.