Why do I run?

It happened again the other day.

“So, why do you run…?”

I held back a salvo of snarky retorts when the words left his mouth.

My answer:

“It’s a nervous habit, and skipping takes too much coordination. “Why? Did you see me?”

What am I supposed to do with a question like that? It’s like asking why you love your kids, why The Beatles were so good, or why a sandwich tastes better when someone else makes it.

You either get it, or you don’t.

Okay, I thought, putting on my best Jack Nicholson, you want answers? You want answers? I rolled up my mental sleeves. Let’s do this.

“Why do I run?”

🏃 I run because I believe you have to earn your cookies.

🏃I run because golf is boring.

🏃I run because these white legs have to get tan somehow.

🏃I run because I’ve never really enjoyed my IT band.

🏃I run because the runner’s high is real and legal.

🏃I run because I never want to waste money on laxatives.

🏃I run because while I never plan on stealing anything, I want to be prepared, just in case.

🏃I run because there’s no swagger like a post-long-run limp.

🏃I run because I don’t think you should murder people.

🏃I run because, yes, I would like a second piece of chocolate cake.

🏃I run because I think the 1980s were on to something with their infatuation with neon and spandex.

🏃I run because I spent four years of high school doing hypothetical math problems about Bob travelling so many kilometres per hour on his bike and Larry racing him at so many miles per hour in his sports car. I’ll be darned if I let those conversion skills go to waste.

🏃I run because how can you not have an adventure when you wake up at 4:30 a.m., strap on a headlamp, and cover twenty km on foot?

🏃I run because I like knowing the location and schedule of every bathroom in the city.

🏃I run because trails get muddy when it rains.

🏃I run because 1,800 calories a day doesn’t cut it.

🏃I run because sometimes you need to cry.

🏃I run because sometimes you need to laugh.

🏃I run because sometimes you need to vent.

🏃I run because sometimes you need to do all three in an hour.

🏃I run because an old man shuffles down his driveway in a white robe and house slippers at the crack of dawn every day, and, gosh darn it, he needs somebody to wave to.

🏃I run because I can solve more of the world’s problems in four kays than the South African Congress can solve in two years.

🏃I run because I don’t want to talk to anybody.

🏃I run because you won’t believe what happened yesterday, and guess what my husband said. I had the strangest dream last night. Did you hear about that one guy?

🏃I run because I can eat an entire pie if I’m not careful.

🏃I run because I want the free t-shirt that costs a R200.00 registration fee and 21.1 km of torture.

🏃I run because, let’s face it, it’s a lot cooler than rollerblading.

🏃I run because I feel like GI Jane when I strap on my water belt.

🏃I run because I’ve never finished a run and thought, “I wish I hadn’t done that,” but I have felt that way after eating at McDonald’s, listening to a Taylor Swift song or watching another episode of My Strange Addiction.

🏃I run because I like blowing my nose any way I want to, anywhere I want to, any time I like to.

🏃I run because I want to be strong, not skinny; because the only thigh gap that exists is the one that occurs when I’m stretching my hamstring; because I’d rather crush that hill at 20km than squeeze into a pair of skinny jeans; because these legs are muscular and powerful and do everything I ask them to do, which is ridiculously amazing if you ask me.

🏃I run because the little girl inside me still believes there’s a shot I could make the Olympics if only I could discover my “distance.”

🏃I run because I like to drive down the highway, read the kilometre markers, and keep driving and driving, knowing that I covered more distance on foot during my last training run.

🏃I run because I like being part of that group of people at 5:00 a.m. on Saturday mornings who are slogging the kays come rain or shine of hell or high water or all of the above.

🏃I run because it adds something to morning coffee that cream and sugar just can’t.

🏃I run because it makes me feel connected to the earth, nature, universe, and myself.

🏃I run because it disconnects me from everything else.

🏃I run because I like being ridiculous.

🏃I run because we are a great conflict, ballistic and controlled, chaotic and focused, delirious and strategic, contained and boundless, gluttons for punishment and jealous for glory.

🏃I run because we’re human, darn it and our bodies were made to move, our arms were made to pump, our quads were made to burn, our calves were made to contract, our feet were made to fly, our noses were made to drip, our eyes were made to water, our guts were made to spill, our cheeks were made to turn bright cherry red, our lungs were made to explode, our hearts were made to pump blood with frenzy and passion and single-minded obsession until we come as close to possible to unassisted flight, abandoning mortality and reaching, if only for a moment, the realm of divinity.

🏃I run because I’m alive.

“DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?”