Ask a runner about their most embarrassing running story, and they’ll probably respond with, “How much time do you have?” From potty accidents to falling on your face…
1. Falling, Tripping, and Colliding.
Tripping and falling happen, and it happens often. It can involve colliding with runners at water stations, tripping over potholes, cracks, roots, curbs, trees, small dogs, cones, spectators, children, or, most commonly, your own two feet.
Make friends with the floor because you’ll spend much time on it.
2. Melt Downs and Tantrums.
“Who’s that crazy person crying on the curb?” People driving by will wonder as they observe your tantrum on the corner of a busy intersection.
Running is a wonderful time to escape the world and be alone with your thoughts. But the flip side to that coin is that sometimes shit gets real, and you find yourself having a mental breakdown. I’ve cried on more curbs and in more races than I have anywhere else in the world.
3. Embarrassing Race Day Photos
Probably the biggest sucker punch to your ego is that moment when you sort through all your race day photos. You remember looking like Pamela Anderson in Baywatch, hamming it up for the cameras, but the photos tell a different story.
You look like a panicked elephant about to be put down in every photo. Even that awesome finish line photo you remember posing for makes you look like a deranged manatee.
4. Hugging Strangers You Mistake for Your Family or Friends.
Twice now, I’ve run up to hug strangers who I, drunk with fatigue and exhaustion, mistake for my friends or family. I hope you like giving strangers hugs because it happens.
5. Being Lapped.
As you approach the end of your first lap, the spectators erupt into applause. You think to yourself, “My Goodness! All this for me?!”
You may wave to the crowd, blow kisses, and realise you have been lapped by the approaching elite athletes racing to the finish line. Those cheers aren’t for you; they are for those speed demons almost done.
“Oh, my word!” You exclaim, “I’m not even halfway done.”
6. Beautiful Muscle Cramps That Will Have You Rolling on the Floor.
Welcome to the world of endurance races, where cramps are more common than candy on Halloween. Mid-race, you’ll feel your leg seize up, and suddenly, you’re rolling on the floor, begging for mercy.
“WHY ME! CRAMPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! PAINNNNNNNNNN!”
And you lay there, pride wounded, until you can either rub it out, limp it out, or inhale some salt packets and continue on.
7. Overreacting When You Press Pause on Your Running App and Forget to Press Resume.
Noooooooooo!!!
I’ve cussed my Garmin out MORE than a hundred times, I’ll admit it. Nothing hurts more than the realisation that you forgot to press resume two days after you pressed pause.
You know, because if it’s not documented, it didn’t happen.
Damn, you pause button mishaps! Damn!
8. Talking to Yourself Like a Crazy Person.
Is that a crazy person or a runner? I can’t tell! Go spectate at any race, and you’ll see thousands of runners muttering to themselves like crazy people. Things I often find myself muttering during runs,
“Get over it, you’re almost halfway there.”
“You are a beast; keep going.”
“Suck it up.”
“Damnit, I forgot my GU!”
“OH, HE IS CUTE! HOW YOU DOINNNNNNNNNG.”
“WHY DO I CONTINUE TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH THIS! THIS IS THE LAST RACE I AM EVER RUNNING! YOU HEAR ME! I HATE THIS! I HATE RUNNING! I QUIT! I HATE THIS SO MUCH!”
“This is amazing!!!!”
“ONE MORE KM! ONE MORE KM!”
“Get out of my way! Jeez, who stops in the middle of the road!? PULL OVER!”
9. Forgetting to Lock the Door of the Porter Potty.
Those nerves and fatigue will do things to your brain, and more often than not, you forget to lock the door to your porter potty. Just accept the fact that you are going to have someone walk in on you doing your business. It gets easier, though; I’m finally at the point where I don’t scream or get bashful. I just say, “Oops! Good morning!”
10. Almost Pooping Your Pants.
Oh yeah, when you’re a runner, you will find yourself almost pooping your pants at least once a month. This is why it’s essential to always run where you know where the nearest bathroom is.
Isn’t running glamorous?
If this doesn’t make you want to become a runner, I don’t know what will.
Isn’t running fun?!
