My thoughts while I run…

Friends who don’t run often ask me what goes through my mind during the long run. It’s hard to describe, as most runners know there is no rhyme or rhythm to what goes through your mind during those hours when you’re pounding the pavement.

Most of the time, my thoughts can be amounted to one big cluster. It usually goes something like this:

• What a beautiful day for a run!
• Damn, it’s hot!
• This sucks.
• Well, 21 km is only ten and a half km each way, which is 10 km each way, so I’m only running 20 km. That’s not too far.
• It’s starting to feel far.
• WATER!
• How long have I been running? A year?
• SIX MINUTES?! What de…!
• I can barely remember my life before I started this run.
• OK, concentrate! There are still 12-plus km to go.
• But who counts the first and last km? This is pretty much an easy half marathon.
• Oh, shit! A fellow runner from the club!
• Should I wave?
• I’m totally gonna wave.
• OOOK, they didn’t wave back. Never doing that again.
• Just keep running; no one saw-- except that old guy who may or may not be averting his eyes.
• Man, I think I’m hitting that “second wind” thing people talk about.
• Wait, never mind. I’ve been running down a decline.
• If I leap to avoid dog shit, does that make me a CrossFit athlete?
• What the heck is CrossFit anyway?
• Mental reminder: Google CrossFit when I get home.
• If I ever get home.
• WATER!
• Aarrrgg! I hate this song.
• If I had a heart attack right now, I wonder who would find my body.
• OMG, I hope I never find a dead body. Runners always find dead bodies.
• Bodies. Body. Bod-ay. Runnin’ all day, no one can catch … may.
• OK, I must be halfway done by now.
• What?! Only 12km in?
• WATER!
• Alright, Lizette, stay focused. What am I going to eat when I get home?
• I’m running 21km, so I should probably eat five slices of pizza with wine.
• Or I could buy one pizza and ask them to cut it into five slices.
• I should probably get a side salad, too.
• ….
• F@*k the salad, actually.
• Man, what are these people doing in front of me? Walking?!
• Is this a contest to see who’s the worst at walking?
• Maybe if I pound my feet on the ground, they’ll hear me coming and let me pass.
• Oh, mother! They didn’t turn around, and now I’m right behind them. They will think they’re getting mugged by the world’s sweatiest criminal.
• You know what, ladies? Now seems like a good time to start to run in the street.
• *Jumps off curb*
• Hi, hi, hi, please don’t hit me with your car.
• Pedestrian pedestrianizing over here; let me cross.
• Thank you, Mr. Blue Honda. I’m trying to smile at you, but it probably looks like I’m having a stroke.
• Actually, what do I look like right now?
• *Checks out the reflection in the shop window * Yeesh.
• Is that what I look like when I run? What am I, a newborn deer with a drinking problem?
• Whatever, I must be almost done by now.
• Heck yes. Two to go. It’s all downhill from here.
• Except for that very real uphill in front of me. Dammit.
• Wait, is that… Is that…
• A DOG!
• Hi, doggie! You are so cute. You are now my mascot. I will finish this run for you, pup.
• I am exhausted.
• WATER!
• Honestly, I don’t even like running.
• Why do I even run?
• Why does anyone even run?
• Why are we even alive?
• OK, let’s not go down that road.
• Focus. Focus. F…F…F
• Wait, less than one km to go? I am KILLING this run.
• I AM THE SWIFTEST GODDESS OF ALL TWO-LEGGED CREATURES.
• YES, including ostriches.
• Honestly, I should sign up for a marathon.
• What is it, like 42km?
• That’s just 20 km each way, which is practically 10, and 10 is twice five, and I can run five km EASY.
• That’s it, I’m doing it. 42km.
• Marathon…42 km marathon…. 4….2…..km
• On second thought….
• But I could probably do a marathon IF I wanted.
• OK, almost home. Should I shower first and drink wine? Or Drink wine and shower later?
• Yep, definitely drinking wine first.
• I guess running’s not so bad.